Why oh why

do I do this to myself?

I've been sleepy all day.

Seriously, eyes heavy, head slightly bobbing, tapping my foot and spinning a bit in my rolly chair to try to keep myself awake at work.

I promised myself I would try to get in bed and go to sleep by 9 to get as much sleep as possible and make-up for the recent lack. My husband is in Pikeville and my parents are busy with their own things, so sleep would be the best use of my time this evening. I even took Benadryl to make myself extra sleepy.

Why would I need to take Benadryl when I'm already sleepy?

Because I'm a fighter. I'm fighting the need to sleep. I work 10 hour days, Monday through Friday this week and the next, 100 hours in 2 weeks. I daydream of the new house all day and things I'd like to look-up on the internet; designing tips and tricks, new little pretty things to spend money on, etc. etc. And even though work is particularly slow at my rotation and we wind up chit-chatting most of the day or staring at the wall, most ALL websites are blocked in the pharmacy that are not drug related.

So when it's time to go home and get some sleep, all I want to do is SURF.

I was even worried that I would go to sleep so early that the dog wouldn't be ready (since he sleeps with me) and that he would keep me up. Ironically, he's already beside me in bed, snoozing away.

Why do I do this to myself?

It's illogical. I am an addict. Addicted to blog stalking, design websites, window-shopping on the web (JUST window shopping, the wallet is on an immediate freeze until further notice following this past weekend's spending blow-out), and abusing my failing eye-sight by remaining glued to the endless amount of information and colorful pictures on the web. I want it all; the sleep and the time to surf.

So if you need me. I'll probably be here.

Doped up on Benadryl, surfing mindlessly. Maybe tomorrow I'll pack it in early. If I can freeze the wallet, maybe I can freeze the internet addiction as well.

Maybe.